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Bitter ex acting like a dirty slag

She cried like a baby and begged me to take her back.

Stupidly, I weakened in July and we slept together after getting drunk at our friends’ wedding.

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She assumed that we were back together again and went around telling everyone that we were in love.

Apparently I’d blurted out “I love you” at the point of orgasm – what an idiot!

So, yet again, I had to give her the “It’s not you, it’s me” speech and walked away.

Now it’s a couple of months on and she’s started sleeping around like an old slag. Apparently, she’s going through four or five guys a week.

She’s telling everyone who will listen she’s determined to “teach me a lesson”.

Sometimes she even emails me pictures and lurid details of her latest conquests.

Backstreet bunk-ups, three-somes, blow-jobs – she’s doing it all. And clearly she wants me to know what I’m missing.

But I despair of her. Why is she degrading herself? Why is she being so damned stupid?

She’s a lovely girl, but she’s getting a reputation as a slut – and she’s worth so much more than that.

A couple of the blokes she’s slept with are really vile. They go to seedy sex parties and pay for sex with cheap prostitutes.

I’m convinced that she’s going to end up with a sexually-transmitted infection, or worse. Despite everything, I still care for her as a friend. We were together for a long time and I could never hate her.

Up until now I haven’t responded to her messages. But maybe I should speak to her again and try to reason with her. What do you think?

My worry is that if we see each other, we’ll have a drink and end up in bed together – and then the whole thing will start all over again.

The reality is that I have a new girlfriend now and just want to move on with my life and leave the past behind.

JANE SAYS:

Time will sort this one out. Keep your cool, don’t contact your ex again and stop opening her emails.

She’s hurting and you feel guilty, but there’s nothing to be gained from rekindling your friendship. It’s over, so let this sleeping dog lie...

It’s sad that she’s choosing to act like a fool and yes, she will put herself in serious danger of catching a sexually-transmitted infection or will be physically hurt if she’s not careful, but that’s not your problem.

You can’t be held responsible for her actions. It’s up to her family and friends to intervene.

Is there a best friend or sister you could have a quiet word with about your concerns?

You could perhaps suggest that your ex gets herself checked at the local GUM clinic (look in the local phonebook for details).

Anyone who has unprotected sex and is worried that they might have contracted an STI should visit their doctor or check out nhsdirect.nhs.uk.

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Reinaldo Massengill

Update: 2024-04-12